MommyMorphosis 3rd Annual Father's Day Special Edition 2015

In 2013 I began what has become one of my favorite MommyMorphosis traditions. Once a year, on Father's Day, I turn over the reins to our partners in parenthood. It's important for me to shine a light on the Dads, Daddies, Pops, Papas, Babas, Papis, Fathers and Father Figures that make our lives more full. Individually, we may recognize the impact of the men who raised us; we may be thankful for the fathers of our children, but more often that not super Dads just don't get their due. I share these words written by fathers themselves, as a tool to change the narrative around modern fatherhood. These men are not bumbling idiots, clueless about caring for their children. Conversely, they are digging in, learning the ropes along with mothers. Changing diapers, sleep training, correcting homework, cooking dinner, providing and aspiring to greatness for the benefit of their offspring. Men actively creating a legacy. Growing and evolving into first class parents, just as much as women. They are men who are loving and accountable, firm yet fair; men who live as the antithesis of deadbeat, misogynist, disconnected stereotypes. The truth is I know just as many incredible fathers as I do awe inspiring mothers. Today we celebrate you! Please enjoy this collection of essays written by wonderful fathers, along with some additional memories and dedications shared by friends on social media.

Melvin O. Pearse a.k.a DJ Majesty - 35 yrs

http://www.iamdjmajesty.com/
I'm a Database administrator full time and also A Professional Disc Jockey which means I have a passion for music. I love to play soccer and basketball.

I've known my wife for 7yrs and we are married going on 2yrs now with 2 beautiful kids.

The best part of being a Dad is being  able to support my  children through education, emotionally, discipline , putting  food on the table and putting them on the right track. My dad was never there for me and I don't want to make the same mistake my dad did  with me onto them. Therefore the best part of being a dad is to be  the best dad  I can be.


The difficult and frustrating part is not having enough time to focus on myself because most of my time is dedicated to them and work. I guess it comes with the territory..lol

Becoming a Parent has changed me in so many ways compared to my old life. I'm more responsible and more careful of the actions I take and it's been great following that path. My children would describe me as a hero , great and best friend.


Some of you may remember an awesome post last year by father of triplets, Robert Griggs.

Rob Griggs (34 years old. Cancer LOL) Chicago, IL

Business Consultant, President and Founder of For Husbands Only

Married  (6 Years) with 3 year old Triplets.

Best Part of Being a Dad:
The best part is the positive influence that I’m having on a person’s life.  When I see my kids sing a song I taught them or play a game that we learned together, it makes me feel proud.  Also, there’s no greater feeling then when you hit the door and your kids run to you and let you know they missed you.

The Frustrating Part:
The toughest part about being a Dad is that people are shocked that a man knows how to take care of his kids. Or that we know intimate details about our children. This should not be a surprise. A lot of times I feel like I’m proving that I know my kids to people when I really shouldn’t have to.

What Have I Learned
I’ve learned that you are stronger than you think. When you have a child and they need something, you don’t think about how tired you are, or what you need or what you have to do…you just take care of their needs.  Before we moved to our current home, my wife and I lived on the 3rd floor. Our washing machine was broken and we used my parents’. I would carry the 3 babies up and down the stairs, with 3-4 loads of clothes and never thought twice about it. It was just what we had to do. Could I do that now?!? Probably not…because I no longer have to.

I strive to be a Father that is involved in my kids’ lives. I want to know my kids’ favorite cartoon character, their friends, and their favorite TV shows. But I don’t want to be their friend. They’ll have enough of those…but they’ll only have one Father. Hopefully, my kids can talk to me about those things that scare them or confuse so I can give them solid advice.  But I’m a very involved father now. I’m pretty good at anticipating my children’s needs. And I learned very early, each kid is different and must be treated differently. That takes more work, but it’s definitely more effective.

He and his family are thriving. Keep up with him at https://twitter.com/ForHusbandsOnly www.forhusbandsonly.com

Jason Wells shared this reminder.

"Fellas with all the negativity going on in the world it starts at home, being a father is not only a privilege, but it's our responsibility. Future change for this and the next generations to come depends on us and how we raise our children. Happy Father's Day Gentleman and keep striving for greatness. Enjoy..."








Wess Walters, Owner and founder of www.marketingmassive.com , a video production company that bridges the gap between video Social Media. My professional goal is to take away the frustration of social media management for small to medium size business owners.




The best part about being a dad is to witness change and growth within my children. The most scary and difficult thing is watching them feel pain.

Being a parent has really thought me to master time management. I am at the helm of my family and my goal is to provide, profess (my love) and protect.

How would your children describe you? “The best dad ever”

Charles Clemons wrote about how his heavenly father influences his responsibility to his family.

"This day is special not because I could celebrate being a father but because it's another opportunity for me to recognize God for His daily provisions and entrusting my wife and I with Deztiny and Trinity's care. Thank you all for the Father's day wishes and Happy Father's day to all the fathers and father figures." 

Ed Kim
My name is Ed and I’m 35 years old. I currently reside in Springfield, IL, but was born and raised in Chicago (city proper). I’ve been married to my wife, Amanda, for 8 WONDERFUL years, but we’ve been together since 1999. We have two very handsome sons, Carter and Spencer, 6 years and 2 years in age respectively. I am a very proud parent. Oftentimes, in public, I certainly become my own father as I am speechless by the love and adoration strangers will show towards my children. That is not the best part of being a father. Rather, I love reading to my oldest and listening to him read back to me. It seems just yesterday Carter was learning how to walk. 

Being a father is not easy. I am constantly in flux with my parental role as role model, provider, mentor, peer, and disciplinarian … among many other roles. As much as I would love to continually provide my kids with anything and everything, I look at my oldest and sometimes feel angry at his propensity to be thankless for all the material goods he’s acquired. Yet, I’m never angry at him, just the actions and behavior. Of course, I view much of me in him and I know how I was as a kid. So, I really try to step back, allow my child to make/commit mistakes and see if he will learn from them. I then try to emulate/embody the great values and characteristics that create a great person hoping that Carter will pick up on the best behaviors.

I guess the toughest part of being a dad is watching my kids deal with the consequences of their actions (i.e. Spencer standing up and leaning to reach for something, but falls hard to the ground). A part of me wants to just make all the decisions for them or make everything alright. Sometimes, there’s nothing that a parent or adult can do to fix anything, but simply hopelessly watch as kids make their choices and deal with the related consequences.

I guess Carter would describe me as one to not disappoint. I take misbehavior seriously, not as bad as my own father, and always make sure Carter learns something. I think Carter is beginning to learn the lesson of making an impression and exercising judgment. As much as I would love to see a lesson learned much easier, I know that nothing is easy in life in order to succeed. I can only hope that I remain close to my children for the rest of my life. I’d hate to alienate any of them simply because I love them too much to see them fail.

My children are the love of my life, second only to my wife and best friend. I can only hope that we, as a family, can develop and grow the best qualities and values as time passes us by.

 

Chika Chukudebelu, BET producer, host and creator of the inspirational leadership podcast, The Blueprint Show www.blueprintshow.com , shared this sentiment.






"The hardest working man I know. From Nigeria to Heidelberg, Germany to NYC to Chicago, he paved a new path for our family. This is what reliable looks like and I'm grateful that he's who God gave me. Happy Father's Day, Daddy!" 










Clayton Harris, CEO and Founder of HitekConsulting.com

What I love most about being a Dad is watching my daughter Michelle learn how to do things on her

own. What I love even more is how she looks at me when she's having a hard time learning something, or when she's scared or unsure of her steps, and I'm there to guide her. Happy Father's Day to all the Dad's who can relate. ‪#‎She‬sTheRealMVP












One of our regular contributors and hilarious favorites is back this year, Ugo Nwokolo.

My name is Ugo from the House of Nwokolo. Husband to a Supermodel, Black Belt in Taekwondo Semi-Pro Beach Volleyball player and Father to Ronke, Kosi and Ugo 2.0. This is my 7th Father's Day.

Best thing about being a dad:

I think it is the power. My words and actions are altering my children's perspectives and way of thinking. I am the arbiter of their world view. I have phenomenal cosmic power!

I have... Aww they are so cute...

I also love it when any of my children seek to lie on me for comfort or reassurance. I love being a place of comfort and security for my kids.

I love hearing the word Daddy. Usually said with joy or surprise. Sometimes said in an whiny irritating voice but I will never get tired of it. I am their daddy. It is one of the best sounds in the world.

Another thing about being a Dad are the games I made up for my kids. 25 kisses,  the  why you! Game and the Surprise hug.

25 kisses is when I grab a child and declare that is to receive 25 kisses and proceed to do so in rapid fashion. All my kids laugh with glee and Ronke usually asked if I had done all 25 for me to get more in.

Kosi loves it and even Ugo 2.0. I feel it is something that I will keep on doing til they get too old but remember it fondly.

The Why You game involves picking me kids and lobbing them onto my bed. When that game starts, it is like a workout. 3 kids wanting their turn to be thrown onto my Bed.  I can't just throw them, I need to say Why You!  In mock indignation before throwing them otherwise it doesn't count.

The Surprise hug is simple and self explanatory but I know my children love being surprised by a hug from their daddy. Sometimes they even try to trigger a Surprise hug. You cant activate a Surprise hug.

It comes when You least expect it.

The Frustrating Part:

Keeping calm when all children are conspiring to get on my last fragile nerve.

Trying to find the time to spend with my

Supermodel Kung Semi Pro Beach Volleyball player. I love my kids but they can be chronal black holes. I can't imagine life without them so it is that frustrating struggle to give everyone the time we all need to flourish. I am a jealous husband. I want time with my preciooouuussss.

Lastly, I wish the bar wasn't so low for fathers. It is always weird when I get praised to just being a basic father to my kids.

What I have learned:

1: Each child is unique and you need to make sure that you don't force the lessons you learned with one child onto the other.

2: Each child needs individual time together with you.

3: The wife I had before my first child isn't the same after the birth.

There are new dimensions after every new child. Make sure you truly connect to find out where you are as a couple.

Kids are great but your relationship is Paramount. Kids need to learn that Dad considers his wife his Number 1 option.

My name is Ugo from the House of Nwokolo. Husband to Funmi and Father to Ronke, Kosi and Ugo. This is my 7th Father's Day.  I am very blessed man.

I also have a vivid imagination.

Joe Carlos eloquently expressed his father's example and shared a photo of his adorable little one, Sage Harper.

"His examples were those in his mind. And so, he did the best he could with what he had. He worked tirelessly. He walked circumspectfully. He lived and breathed integrity. He expected our best, and poured his energies into providing whatever we needed to succeed.

It's not easy being the son of a revered person. It's not. It's not easy when you bear the same name. The expectations are higher than you could imagine because of all that you've been fortunate enough to experience and have. And still, despite that, my father has loved me and my siblings and taught us lessons that will endure, and shown us the world.

We spoke on Thursday about Hamlet. And he purposefully mispronounced a character's name. And I corrected him by saying "Polonius". He lives for that. For that affirmation. He lives for the delight of shared knowledge. And he passed that on to us, and we will do the same.

My father delivers babies for a living, and he's one of the absolute best at it, anywhere. Because of this, and because of the way he approaches his work, he is one of the most respected people in his field, and definitely in our sleepy little town of Dallas, TX. And despite all of the things he is to so many people; the Deacon, the proud grandfather, the counselor, the prayer partner, the trustee at Greenhill and Lakehill, the consummate uncle, the loyal Boule brother, the avid Cowboys, Rangers and Mavs fan, the Alpha, first and foremost he'll tell you that he's a child of God. And being a child of God, is what rules and guides his life.

Happy Father's Day to my role model and the man that I'm blessed to call my father, and Sage and Izzy's grandfather."

First Lady Krystal Taft reflected on her husband's dedication to the Lord and their family.

[Pastor Taft Q. Heatley] "William loves standing in your shoes so much to the point that I have to wrestle them away from him when you are not home. I know that one day he'll be big enough to fill your shoes, and when that day comes I know that he will be the loving husband, father, son, brother, friend and most importantly Man of God that you are teaching him to be. I love you and Happy Father's Day!!!"

This quote sums up how I feel about my father, confidante and kindred spirit.

“They say that from the instant he lays eyes on her, a father adores his daughter. Whoever she grows up to be, she is always to him that little girl in pigtails. She makes him feel like Christmas. In exchange, he makes a secret promise not to see the awkwardness of her teenage years, the mistakes she makes or the secrets she keeps.” — Everwood






Finally, Happy Father's day to my wonderful husband, Marvin! Thank you for being the best Daddy to our children, showering them with love and affection. Thank you for knowing when they need a kind word over a stern hand. Thank you for understanding that for them to live life without limits they still need boundaries. Most of all thank for loving their Mother :-* 

I also salute the men in my extended family; my uncles, grandfathers and family friends that offer an immeasurable amount of love and guidance - not only as father figures to me, but to my kids as well. We Love You All!

I hope to continue working with fathers as guest bloggers, so Dads, if what you read in this post inspires you to pen something of your own please send it to mommymorphosis@gmail.com 

Girl Power! Don't believe the hype.

New Rules, New Baby, New Shawn Carter. Jay-Z talks fatherhood in "Jay-Z Blue" on upcoming album Magna Carta Holy Grail

Jay-Z, hip hop titan, mogul, Beyonce's Mr. Carter and father of 1 year old Blue Ivy, has been giving Samsung Galaxy users a taste of the creative process through which he crafted his 12th studio album Magna Carta Holy Grail set for release July 9th. In an unprecedented cross industry deal the "business - man" has partnered with Samsung who bought the first million copies of the highly anticipated album and plans to give it to the first Samsung-users who downloaded the Magna Carta app in advance for free on July 4th. 

Like scores of other Android using fans of the Jigga Man, I've been checking the app daily for early insights into MCHG through song lyrics and behind the scenes videos filmed throughout the project. Recently we were introduced to "Jay-Z Blue (Daddy Dearest)" in which the rapper reflects on how his own father's absence informs the choices he now makes as husband and father. A sneak peek into the lyrics reveal a vulnerability and personal paradigm shift that often effects even the most successful and capable of us once we become parents. 

Footage of Jay discussing the track shows a side of him I don't think we've ever seen. When sharing his worries about failing his daughter there is a hint of anxiety, a bit of awkwardness, that I find endearing coming from the consummate cool dude who appears always in control. 

"I was young so he [Jay's Dad] didn’t teach me how to be a man nor how to raise a child or treat a woman. So of course, with my karma, the two things I needed I don’t have and I have a daughter. It’s the paranoia of not being a great dad.” 

It seems having a baby really does change everything. 

Mommy Profiled at Opart Thai House

This post may seem more of a rant than anything. I feel strongly that Tuesday afternoon my 10 month old daughter and I were discriminated against. Not because of our religious beliefs; not because of our insane cuteness; and not because of our race (at least, I don't think so). Simply because I was a Mom attempting to have a lovely lunch on a warm Spring day with my baby girl in a "nice" restaurant. Read the scenario below and tell me what you think.

Nikke and I were out and about looking for a place to have a bite to eat before a play-date. It was around 3:30 pm, after the lunch rush, but before dinner. Perfect timing so I thought. For once I didn't struggle with indecision. I had a taste for Pad Thai and decided on a cute little place in the South Loop I'd been wanting to try, Opart Thai House. I stopped at a market next door to pick up a banana for little mama, a perfect pairing for her sweet potato puff snacks I already had stashed in my diaper bag. My little sweetheart was in a great mood and seemed happy about our outing. We walked into the restaurant, both smiling. As I glanced around the dining room I assessed it as casual, somewhere between your neighborhood Chinese greasy spoon and Benihana. The dining area was spacious, but far from crowded. There was easily room for 50 to 60 guests, though only 8 were currently eating. I approached the hostess desk and was met by a tall, thin Asian woman dressed as a server. "Who many?" she asked. "Just us", I replied gesturing between the baby and I. She led us to a small two-top table in the farthest corner of the restaurant. Sharing the space were trays of dirty dishes, a trash can, stacks of menus, and an emergency exit door. I'm thinking, "No Ma'am", but I say "Is is possible for us to sit over there?" I pointed to a sunlight drenched area by a big window. The waitress looked at me square in the face and says, "No!", loudly with some bass in her voice. Maintaining my composure while balancing my 20 lb baby on my hip and 5 lb diaper bag on my shoulder I ask "Why not?" This was spoken gently, politely, with no attitude at all. I assume she is going to say because that section is closed due to light waitstaff, etc. Instead she tells me, "This", pointing to the crummy dark corner, "is the kids area." Fuming, I hold my tongue. One of the three gentleman seated nearby, a police officer, responded for me, "Kids area?", he echoed in disbelief. I laugh and ask her, Right next to the garbage? That's odd." "Yes", she says, "we prefer them out the way." Mind you, the restaurant was all but empty; plenty of space to walk freely. I was done, refused the table and walked out. 


As I stood outside of the establishment I was appalled at what had just taken place. I began to hastily walk toward my SUV. Honestly, I was stunned and offended. Was this some kind of "What Would You Do" experiment? Was John Quinones going to pop out with a camera crew? It stung because I felt set aside based on an assumption of the employee. Holding my daughter I was unsure what to do. That lasted about five seconds... I turned heel and walked back toward the eatery with conviction. I would NOT retreat without having my say and showing the staff person who I truly am. I crossed the threshold, toting Nikke, shoulders back, head high, still smiling. I passed a busboy and glanced around for someone in business attire that might be the manager. There was no one at the hostess podium. I scanned to my left and spotted my waitress sitting with another server, a younger woman in her 20s. They were both in front of plates with piping hot food. Perhaps this was the "service staff area" :-/ When the woman saw that I had returned, she jumped right out of her chair. The patrons looked up, half expecting me to make a scene I'm sure. "You can sit where ever you like", she said. By now of course the damage had been done and they couldn't have paid me to eat there. "No thanks", I replied matter-of-factly. Handling a situation like this with verbal confrontation is not my style. When displeased with service my Grandmother would write a gracefully, vicious letter in a heartbeat. I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. "I just came back to leave a little note with management about my experience, do you have a comment card?" She gawked at me like I was nut before ripping off a long strip of register tape. I proceeded to draft my passionate entreaty, furiously folded it and passed it to the other waitress. I asked that she make sure someone in management read my petition. I received nods of approval from the other guests, a wink from an African American woman about my Mom's age, as I exited and strolled pass the large front window. Nikke and I decided to lunch at Cafe Bionda, an Italian restaurant two doors down. Service was great and I even indulged in a Coca-Cola.

Opart Thai House, 1906 S. State St. I checked out their Yelp page, they indicate that they are kid-friendly. Pu-leese! I beg to differ and will be attaching this post as a comment. c

Raising a Girl in a Post-Oprah Show World.

I'm not what you would call an ultimate fan. I've never set my DVR to catch Oprah's Favorite Things Show. I haven't kept a gratitude journal. I've not read all of the book club selections (though I did finish the Anna Karenina summer challenge, thank you very much!) But, I am committed to living my best life. Like most women, I've grown up a witness to Oprah's spectacular impact on the globe. Her authentic personality, sense of humor, spirituality and commitment to improving the world around her - all undeniable. She has helped guests feel comfortable enough to tell their deepest secrets on national television, in turn viewers realized they were not alone. She's shared the darkness of her own life, and taught us that where we're from does not dictate how far we will go.

Oprah is an example of achieving beyond limits, and using your life as an instrument in the betterment of others. Moreover, along with our mothers, sisters, friends, mentors, etc. Oprah has taught us how to live with purpose and passion. Often these lessons we've heard before. They serve as a reminder of the sayings of our grandmothers and other wise women. The principles from which Oprah has built her platform offer simple rules about following our instincts, being in the moment and recognizing our boundless potential.

Watching the final season I was overwhelmed by Oprah's achievements, the inspiration she has been for others, and the humility she shows while being touted as an icon at the end of an era. I thought about the peaks of my own life and how much more there is for me to do. What will my legacy be, and how should I measure the achievements I've made so far? At times I live in my head and get all existential. I feel like I have not done or seen enough. Despite the blessings in our lives - successful careers, fantastic families, etc., many women wonder if we've made our mark. We look over the fence and imagine the grass to be greener, while taking our own lush lawns for granted. Often "normal people" look at Oprah and the life she has led and think that their triumphs pale in comparison, that somehow their wins don't matter as much. I was moved as Oprah encouraged her audience, saying "You are enough." As we are, with all of our flaws and favors, we are enough. We all deserve the most opportunity, love and happiness that the world can offer. As long as we are living with love and looking beyond ourselves, our contribution to the world is great. Big or small, whether we open a school for African girls, raise our daughters with beauty and strength, or take time to mentor just one child in our community; what we do and how we give back is important. A small ripple and a big splash both effect the tide.

This sentiment ... the knowledge that she is enough, will stay firmly planted in my thoughts as I raise my daughter. I hope to teach her to expect the best for and from herself and that still, even when she makes mistakes, she will always be enough.

Favorite Oprahisms for my growing girl:

1. You are enough. "Your being alive makes worthiness of your birthright."

2. Listen to the whispers of your conscience before they turn into shouts.

3. Your thoughts have ultimate power. What you believe is what will be. When you know better, you do better.

4. Forgiveness is the most vital part of healing. It does not free the assailant from guilt, but frees you to move forward with your life.

5. When someone shows you who they are believe them.

6. Passion is power. "Everyone has a calling. Your real job in life is to find it"

7. Who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down?

8. Pay attention to your instincts, they will keep you safe in dangerous situations.

9. Education is the most valuable gift we can give to ourselves and others.

10. Every now and then all girls need to have an ugly cry.

My own Aha Moment of the Day...
It's a grounding experience to hold my daughter, a baby girl who looks so much like me, and realize I have the opportunity to teach her things I've learned throughout life. Hoping she gets the important things right and avoids my missteps. It's like looking back at your own infant face and imaging how you'd do it, if you had the chance to do it again.