The world is "safe and good"? I don't think ...

How do you teach your children to believe that the world is safe and people are good, when you know that's not true? This isn't a "how-to", I have no tips today. In fact, I'm asking my readers to help me make sense of this conundrum.

Always an optimist, always finding the positive in people - that's me. Always imaging the best case scenario admist dire circumstances, that has been my modus operandi. My bright eyed outlook comes from faith, personality and my personal experience that even when things are shaky, more often than not they work out to the advantage of all involved. Time and life lessons have dimmed these beliefs over time. At one point I thought life was fair; into my twenties I realized that wasn't true at all. The most generous of us often lose what we hold most dear, opportunites slip through our fingertips and people most deserving come up short time and again. Dastardly individuals lie, cheat and steal to get ahead. They receive the rewards, recognition and can go unchecked for a lifetime. The world has proven to be a dangerous, volatile place, but we can't keep our children home, safe in our arms forever. It is our duty to make them aware of how much they are loved and protected, that they don't live in fear. Undeniably, we'd go to extremes to keep them from harm; but they must go to school, to places of worship, to sporting events, etc. They ride in cars, buses, trains and airplanes. They visit residences of people we trust, but how well do you ever really know another person? How can we teach them to build relationships with others when it's so hard to determine who deserves our countenance?

In recent years our nation, and countries across the globe, have witnessed horrific tragedy and violence. The 911 terrorist attacks, foreign and domestic bombings, unprecedented natural disasters, daily gun violence on city streets and inexplicable evil purported by sick individuals. Life is as fragile as always, but appreciation of it is disappearing. This week has been exhausting for me, like a wake up call brought on by a bucket of cold water. I'm afraid I've taken off my rose colored glasses for good. My belief that good will prevail, kindness is reciprocated and justice can be served is fading. However, my faith remains firm. My dedication to my family is stronger than ever. My duties to love and protect the innocence of my children has been invigorated. Nonetheless, I stand at a crossroads unsure whether it's in their best interest to view the world as I did at their age, or to begin making them aware, bit by bit, of the uncertain times we live in.     

PolitiKids: Introducing your Children to the Political Process

As election day approaches, eligible voters across the United States will head to the polls to cast their votes in the federal, state and local races. I've been actively engaged in keeping up with this year's tumultuous presidential election and simply by proximity my kids have gotten interested. I'm my family's resident political analyst, flooding my social media timelines with opinions and funny memes. I look forward to debates like my husband does Manchester soccer matches. Even though they're little, both under 5, I think it's important to introduce them to the political process, especially concepts of social justice and the knowledge that their voice matters. This week I'm sharing a few tips on how to raise pint sized politicos!

1. Start with the basics: Define terms.
What is an election? How do you vote? Why is it important?
If possible, try to keep your own divisive ideologies out of it. For kids younger than middle school age I don't think you need to address party affiliation. Explain what a President does. Governor, Mayor, State Representative, Congressperson, etc. My Kindergartener has been memorizing the 44 POTUS' since he was three. We have a cool place mat that helps him have fun with it. Make a local connection. Perhaps you'll speak more about figures that hail from your home state. Being in Illinois we talk a lot about Lincoln and Obama.

2. Stress the importance of equality
Explain that all votes matter. Save the electoral college discussion for later. Whether you are male or female, no matter your age, level of education or ethnicity help your child understand that being politically aware and active is their civic duty. Beware of using gender specific language. Just because we have yet to elect a female or Latino president tell your child it is possible - they may even become the first.

3. Skip the Cynicism 
Political opinions are often polarizing and controversial. Nix the sensationalizing and table the cynicism. We want to teach our children from a position that is unjaded. Politics, values and personal philosophies are certainly interwoven, but we must start with basic understanding. Liberals, Moderates and Conservatives alike believe in the principles of freedom and justice for all. Introduce a sense of democracy to your children in it's purest form. Treasure the innocent way they view the world and support their belief in fairness.

4. Lead by example
As their primary role models we must "show" more than we "say". Discuss domestic and foreign affairs with adults in the presence of your children; let them learn that it's OK to respectfully disagree with friends and family. Become involved with the school board, participate in neighborhood planning or volunteer for your candidate of choice. Take them to vote with you if possible. Let them admire the scores of citizens who participate. The idea is to demonstrate that one person can make a difference in the world around them; by getting involved they can impact their environment in a positive way.

5. Student Government and Extracurriculars
When the time comes, talk to your child about running for a student council post. This can give them an opportunity to truly understand what if means to be an elected official. Of course, some will win and other will lose. Teach them that this is simply a part of life. Whether or not they are the victor,  encourage them to demonstrate leadership everyday in classrooms, on the playground and after school clubs. This is a lesson in valuing their influence and using it to benefit others.

Being a Mom can be tough across the globe, but it's worth it! Thank you P&G for this tearjerker commercial.

I've said many times that being a Mom is the hardest, yet most rewarding job on the planet. This P&G commercial about Olympic hopefuls and their Mothers is a sweet testament to the care and sacrifice of parenting. I had to share it as a reminder that though some days may be tough, it's worth it. Champion children have had Moms and Dads that cultivated their greatness - it's universal law. To my readers across the globe have a great day and be encouraged!

Be Better Than Good Enough

Before bed, when I'm in the shower allowing my thought to drifts I review my day. If I've poorly handled an interaction with one of my kids I mull it over regretfully. Parenting has scores of challenges; it's only fair to assume that we won't attend to every exchange suitably. We don't always have the perfect response to inquisitive questions. We don't always lend an ear or a shoulder at the right moment.  Maybe we gave a lecture when a hug was what they really needed. Our hope is that if we manage to get it right more times than not than our children will feel loved, become wise, kind and functional.

While studying infant and caregiver attachment as a counselor I was introduced to the theory of "good enough parenting". The assumption is that if the mother, or primary caregiver, responds to the baby's needs successfully 7 out of 10 times that is adequate in forging a healthy bond. The child will, as a newborn, learn that they are safe. Sometimes, on a bad day, I remember this. It's given me comfort to know that a couple of Mommy blunders are to be expected; they won't do much harm. I don't rest on it, but I've kept it in the back of my head like a "get out of guilt free" card. Today I realized 7 out of 10 really isn't that great. Do the math - 70 percent. It's passing, but surely not acceptable by a Valedictorian's standards. Satisfactory, not great. Responding positively, with empathy, just 7 out 10 times to the needs of your child is like being a good Mom or Dad 5 out of 7 days a week. I find it hard to believe my little ones would thrive if on Sunday and Wednesday Mommy just checked out. Hump Day is hard, but really? Would your employer keep paying you if a little more than two/thirds of the the time you didn't perform to the best of your ability?

I've heard that parenting is a job that only gets more complicated as your child grows. We want our toddlers to learn respect and responsibility early on so they develop good habits that continue into adolescence and adulthood. As parents we must hold ourselves accountable in pursuing the same excellence we expect from our children. Take the time to think before speaking to your child; don't react without considering the consequences. Don't dial it in. When you make mistakes say you're sorry. We're not perfect, but our kids don't know that. Find teachable moments for them and yourself. Be better than good enough.

*** Updated May 10, 2012

Today Time Magazine released the cover photo for an upcoming story about Dr. Bill Sears and the extreme side of attachment parenting. They pose the question, "Are You Mom Enough?", right next to a Mom posing, breast partially exposed, while she nurses a boy 3 years old. All this just a few days before Mother's Day. Of course the photo went viral and has quite a few folks all in a tizzy. Does anyone see the irony in controversy swimming around a cover that is supposed to be controversial? I don't get it. I hope that half as many of the people talking about this online will actually pick up the article and read it, myself included. We'll see Friday May 11, 2012 when the issue is released.

5 Ways to Inspire Your Children's Dreams

As we celebrate the life and legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., one of the most influential and respected leaders in history, I often think about his parents. How strong, wise and loving they must have been to raise such a dynamic individual. People like MLK Jr. didn't just turn out great by happenstance. Clearly there must have been family members, mentors, teachers and peers that saw his potential and nurtured it. I humbly offer my thoughts on how to encourage the special boys and girls in our lives to create a vision for themselves, achieve their dreams and make an impact on the world at large.


5. Look & Listen


"It (destiny) is what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when they are young, knows what their destiny is. At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. They are not afraid to dream, and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives." Paulo Coelho, "The Alchemist"


Practice close observation and active listening skills when interacting with your children. Talk to them. What are they into? What can't they stop jabbering about? You can help them identify and explore their healthy interests. Dig a little and educate them about the possibilities. A kid obsessed with transforming robots today, could be tomorrow's science and technology innovator. 


4. Homemade History Lessons


"The history of the world is but the biography of great men." Thomas Carlyle 


All things tangible and real in our world  were once someones dream. Teach your children to appreciate the men and women throughout history who turned nothing into something, and they will realize that they too can bring their visions into fruition. Retrace the steps taken one by one to turn dreams into reality. 


3. Encourage Literacy

“The more you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go.”  Dr. Seuss, "I Can Read With My Eyes Shut!"

Little readers are little dreamers. Books transport us to worlds unknown and plant ideas in a way that no other media can. Your budding bookworm will develop a better vocabulary, ability to focus and critical thinking skills by shelf surfing at the local library . 2. Expose them to the unfamiliar "If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in." Rachel Carson Make sure children know that the world is a huge, varied place. There is more to life than their block, city, state, country and continent. While their minds are sponges help them understand that no dream is too big. Their imaginations may lead them to ponder the implausible, but teach them that nothing is impossible. Visit museums, parks, art galleries. Travel by train, plane and automobile. Answer their questions. When you don't how to respond fess up and research the topic together. Encourage exploration that titillates their senses. See the sights; smell the scents - stinky and sweet; touch the soft and prickly; hear the noise and quiet; develop their taste for life!

1. Keep Living Your Own Dreams


"When our memories outweigh our dreams, we have grown old." Bill Clinton 


When we become parents, guardians or teachers we agree to put our needs second to what is best for our kids. Sometimes through great sacrifice we put what we want on hold to provide what they need, as it should be. But remember, the way we live provides a road map for how our children approach their lives. Talk to your children about your personal story, your failures and successes. Are you thriving or surviving? Even if you are excelling professionally, personally and spiritually think back to when you were a child. Rediscover some of that joy and curiosity. Set new goals, embark on new adventures, make new memories and you will inspire your children to do the same.