Weaning gripes. I'm not a crunchy granola or a Time Magazine mom - Weaning is really hard!

Like a lot of Moms these days, the decision to nurse my children was a no-brainer. We've learned that mother's milk provides the greatest nutritional benefit to our children, additionally it's the ideal way to secure healthy attachment with our infants. I've been trying to wean my now 14 month old for more than 60 days, and it's really, really hard. I've done the reading, the research and frankly I'm having limited success getting baby girl to detach and unlatch. What was once a special declaration of motherly love and our natural bond has become a bit of a burden.

I lasted 12 months breastfeeding my first born son without a hiccup or a sore nipple. It was easy-peesy. Weaning him was of course laborious, but nothing to cry about. I introduced him to whole milk in a sippy cup after his first birthday and two months later he was off the boob for good. This time around has been a different ballgame. By 6 months I was exhausted from trying to keep up with my daughter's nursing needs and began to sparingly supplement with formula. I was too tired to feel guilty. Soon I was starting to countdown the days until Nikke turned one year old - our cutoff point. It felt good that my milk provided both solace and sustenance to my little one, even so much that I included it in my ode to lovable babies in this post; http://mommymorphosis.blogspot.com/2011/11/10-reasons-we-love-babies.html But, the time and toll it was taking on my body and frayed nerves was hard to ignore. I loved her little palm playing with my necklace or stroking my cheek as she fed, but soon that developed into pulling at my shirt and taking "nip nips". So when that 365th day of life arrived and I presented her with a cup full of ice cold milk I thought it'd be smooth sailing. Absolutely wrong! She spit it out with disgust. She had zero interest in store brought dairy, she wanted the good stuff straight from mama bear. I've tried Almond and Coconut milk hoping that might pique her taste buds; "perhaps she's a budding vegan" I thought. Still no go, and though we've cut back significantly thanks to ice water, yogurt and string cheese, nothing seems to sate and soothe during rough times like my supply. So now I find myself with a toddler who won't let go. I try to stick to my guns and let her cry it out at bedtime or when she's especially crabby, but winning a test of will against a toddler is harder than it sounds. Who wins the daily battle is almost always a toss up. 

For now I' m fluctuating between the "don't offer, don't refuse" method and simply hiding from her. I feel bad about wanting to wean so strongly, then I feel bad for feeling bad. My veteran Mom friends and online supporters say to heed to Nikke's resistance. Maybe she's just not ready? I was settling into the idea of nursing a little bit longer, but then the naysayers began to chime in. Some friends and family members have surprised me with averse reaction to breastfeeding my new toddler. I've heard lots of mumbling about TIME Magazine's cover story from a while back. Of course the salacious article title "Are You Mom Enough" and edgy cover photo incited a ShoMommy response which you can read in this post, http://mommymorphosis.blogspot.com/2012/05/time-asks-are-you-mom-enough-new-twist.html When criticism comes my way I state the medical facts, "The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that breastfeeding continue for at least 12 months, and thereafter for as long as mother and baby desire. The World Health Organization recommends continued breastfeeding up to 2 years of age or beyond." Breastfeeding a bigger baby does not make me a pervert!

I'm not sure when my weaning attempts will stick, or if Morenikke and I will both continue to "suck" at this painful process. But, I have decided that it will be our journey together. I hope to not feel pressured to fit into society's idea of what is or isn't "normal", our physical and mental health is what matters most. Don't worry I'll keep you posted. Might even post a video of her drinking something other than mama milk and me doing the happy dance in the background when we get to the other side of this arduous undertaking. Please share you thoughts and experiences in the comment section. I'd love to know I'm not the only one who's struggled through this.

For more information on breastfeeding and weaning visit:  http://www.lalecheleague.org 

www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding  

http://www2.aap.org/healthtopics/breastfeeding

TIME asks "Are You Mom Enough?" New twist on an old post.

Today Time Magazine released the cover photo for an upcoming story about Dr. Bill Sears and the extreme side of attachment parenting. They pose the question, "Are You Mom Enough?", right next to a Mom posing breast partially exposed, while she nurses a boy 3 years old. All this just a few days before Mother's Day. Of course the photo went viral and has quite a few folks all in a tizzy. Does anyone see the irony in controversy swimming around a cover that is supposed to be controversial? I don't get it. I hope that half as many of the people talking about this online will actually pick up the article and read it, myself included. I trust TIME to deliver a journalistic piece that is just as provoking as the photograph. We'll see Friday May 11, 2012 when the issue is released. In the meantime read a post I wrote April 19, 2012...

... Before bed, when I'm in the shower allowing my thought to drifts I review my day. If I've poorly handled an interaction with one of my kids I mull it over regretfully. Parenting has scores of challenges; it's only fair to assume that we won't attend to every exchange suitably. We don't always have the perfect response to inquisitive questions. We don't always lend an ear or a shoulder at the right moment.  Maybe we gave a lecture when a hug was what they really needed. Our hope is that if we manage to get it right more times than not than our children will feel loved, become wise, kind and functional.

While studying infant and caregiver attachment as a counselor I was introduced to the theory of "good enough parenting". The assumption is that if the mother, or primary caregiver, responds to the baby's needs successfully 7 out of 10 times that is adequate in forging a healthy bond. The child will, as a newborn, learn that they are safe. Sometimes, on a bad day, I remember this. It's given me comfort to know that a couple of Mommy blunders are to be expected; they won't do much harm. I don't rest on it, but I've kept it in the back of my head like a "get out of guilt free" card. Today I realized 7 out of 10 really isn't that great. Do the math - 70 percent. It's passing, but surely not acceptable by a Valedictorian's standards. Satisfactory, not great. Responding positively, with empathy, just 7 out 10 times to the needs of your child is like being a good Mom or Dad 5 out of 7 days a week. I find it hard to believe my little ones would thrive if on Sunday and Wednesday Mommy just checked out. Hump Day is hard, but really? Would your employer keep paying you if a little more than two/thirds of the the time you didn't perform to the best of your ability?

I've heard that parenting is a job that only gets more complicated as your child grows. We want our toddlers to learn respect and responsibility early on so they develop good habits that continue into adolescence and adulthood. As parents we must hold ourselves accountable in pursuing the same excellence we expect from our children. Take the time to think before speaking to your child; don't react without considering the consequences. Don't dial it in. When you make mistakes say you're sorry. We're not perfect, but our kids don't know that. Find teachable moments for them and yourself. Be better than good enough.