Gemini ... a self portrait

Gemini

Deanna M. Davis

I’m a lil’ bit country, I’m a lil’ bit Hollywood

I’m a lil’ bit Oh hell no, I’m a lil’ bit it’s all good

I’m a lil’ bit intuition, I’m a lil’ bit common sense

I’m a lil’ bit penthouse, I’m a lil’ bit picket fence

I’m a lil’ bit Sex in the City, I’m a lil’ bit Brady Bunch

I’m a lil’ bit breakfast in bed, I’m a lil’ bit let’s drink lunch

I’m a lil’ bit soccer Mom, I’m a lil’ bit trophy wife

I’m a lil’ bit out for self, I’m a lil’ bit save your life

I’m a lil’ bit Krispy Cream, I’m a lil’ bit Skinny Cow

I’m a lil’ bit head in the sand, I’m a lil’ bit head in the clouds

I’m a lil’ bit fried chicken, I’m a lil’ bit dragon roll

I’m a lil’ bit sophistifunk, I’m a lil’ bit neosoul

I’m a lil’ bit middle class, I’m a lil’ bit hood rich

I’m a lil’ bit let it go, I’m a lil’ bit who you calling a bitch!

I’m a lil’ bit Theory of Relativity, I’m a lil’ bit reality TV

I’m a lil’ bit hard to get, I’m a lil’ bit come and get me

I’m a lil’ bit feed my mind, I’m a lil’ bit feed my spirit

I’m a lil’ bit tell me more, I’m a lil’ bit don’t want to hear it

I’m a lil’ bit freaking out, I’m a lil’ bit no big deal

I’m a lil’ bit innocent, I’m a lil’ bit sex appeal

I’m a lil’ bit student, I’m a lil’ bit master

I’m a lil’ bit diplomat, I’m a lil’ bit actor

I’m a lil’ bit high fashion, I’m a lil’ bit Target

I’m a lil’ bit boutique, I’m a lil’ bit flea market

I’m a lil’ bit Sunday morning, I’m a lil’ bit Friday night

I’m a lil’ bit confrontation, I’m a lil’ bit let’s not fight

I’m a lil’ bit coy and shy, I’m a lil’ bit ride or die

I’m a lil’ bit ready for my close-up, I’m a lil’ bit camera shy

I’m a lil’ bit with the group, I’m a lil’ bit on my own

I’m a lil’ bit make me scream, I’m a lil’ bit make you moan

I’m a lil’ bit problem-solver, I’m a lil’ bit troublemaker

I’m a lil’ bit red wine, I’m a lil’ bit straight no chaser

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I’m a lil’ bit PJ’s, I’m a lil’ bit lingerie

I’m a lil’ bit right now, I’m a lil’ bit it can wait a day

I’m a lil’ bit flower child, I’m a lil’ bit black and proud

I’m a lil’ bit speak it soft, I’m a lil’ bit think out loud

I’m a lil' bit’ Jimmy Choo, I’m a lil’ bit Mary Jane

I’m a lil’ bit private jet, I’m a lil’ bit el train

I’m a lil’ bit cashmere, I’m a lil’ bit cotton

I’m a lil' bit sweet, I’m a lil’ bit rotten

I’m a lil’ bit what you think, I’m a lil’ bit not caring

I’m a lil’ bit look at me, I’m a lil’ bit please stop staring

I’m a lil’ bit world peace, I’m a lil’ bit piece be still

I’m a lil’ bit pushover, I’m a lil’ bit strong willed

I’m a lil’ bit in the dark, I’m a lil’ bit in the light

I’m a lil’ bit on the page, I’m a lil’ bit on the mic

I’m a lil’ bit trying to please you, I’m a lil’ bit gotta do me

I’m a lil’ bit by candlelight, I’m a lil bit under a shade tree

I’m a lil’ bit what I can get, I’m a lil’ bit what I can give

I’m a lil’ bit live to love, I’m a lil’ bit love to live

I’m a lil’ bit ask what, I’m a lil’ bit ask why

Living somewhere between the I’s all of me, a Gemini.

You'll gain more than you lose.

What a week I've had. A touch of the blues threw me for a loop. Bad weather and a busy baby led to cabin fever and I began to recount my days (and nights) out on the town in a much warmer climate. I was mourning my non-Mommy lifestyle. I've had a lot of good times club hopping, eating Taco Cabana at 4am and hosting impromptu cookouts. Romantic Valentine's Day getaways, Mardi Gras road trips and last minute plans seemed like ancient history. Sadly, I wondered if I'd lost more as a singleton than I'd gained as a parent. This was just the tip of the iceberg and the What If? game I played with myself got pretty ugly. I questioned my fate, but in the end faith won in this mental tug-a-war.
When I returned home from a few hours at school tonight my son's face lit up. As soon as I crossed the threshold he was there waiting. He kissed me and clapped his fat little hands. His love for me was undeniable; I felt needed and incredibly fulfilled. For the first time all week, all that mattered was he and I in the here and now. Babies are special that way. They live fully in the present moment; they don't worry about the past or the future. Babies only want to be satisfied and happy in this immediate moment. That is why they cry with an increasing sense of urgency. Now, now, now! But, this is also why they express such enormous joy in their smiles. Little ones laugh and fill the room; their giggles are contagious precisely because they have no pretense.
I learned a lesson from my boy tonight. I'm making an effort to truly live in the now. It is so important to appreciate, and moreover, enjoy today. There's a time and a place to plan for the future too, but right now I'm laying the groundwork. That takes focus. As dear to me as it might be, the past is over. It's O.K. to look back and remember the good old days, but I can't forget to create great new ones. Ten years from now these will be the memory lanes I stroll down.
I'm only beginning my new life as a Mom. It's easy to see how my daily activities and responsibilities have changed. Sometimes it's difficult to tally the +'s and -'s and come up even. But, when the routine gets a little disheartening my "always right on time baby" finds a way to remind me of all I've gained. Witnessing his achievements - crawling, taking those first steps, saying mama and dada, even discovering how to blow spit bubbles and stick his toe in his mouth - rival many of my own most exciting moments. Parental pride is quite a rush! It's still early in the game, and I imagine the years to come will bring many more. So far I've gained a lot; a new incomparable love, a deeper sense of purpose, career clarity, increased self confidence, a renewed appreciation for Sesame Street and bigger boobs! Ultimately, my life is fuller and my heart is bigger now that I'm a Mommy.

Welcome to Mommy-Morphosis!

Hey Everybody! Welcome to my very first blog, Mommy-Morphosis. I'm buckleing down and releasing the ideas, anecdotes and dilemmas that swirl around in my head out into literary cyberspace. I will focus on the change of lifestyle I'm experiencing right now. No longer living for the instant gratification of myself, giving into my own whims and self-indulgence, I am a Mom now. It's been an incredible journey to self discovery and I hope to share my insights with you my friends, family and guests.
Two years ago my life was full of cool work (I complained about), friends (I probably didn't appreciate enough), fun (I took for granted) and nights on the town (I was growing tired of). Even a little romance (I have a walking, talking reminder of). In life we all face transitions and defining moments. Motherhood has by far been my biggest feat. The rewards are fantastic and challenges are many. We could all learn a thing or two about will power from my 11-month old! Now, my days are full of finger puppets, silly sing-a-longs and toothless grins. It's pretty awesome, I'm blessed with a beautiful baby boy and supportive family. . . but there are highs and lows. How do I balance my new responsibilites and hold on to the best parts of footloose and fancy free me? How can I strike a cord between being future-oriented and still live joyously in the moment? Creating an identity that makes being a Mom the priority but not the absolute is my mission. This is the path I'm walking, and I propose I'm not alone.